Suddenly
by el sombrerero
Summary: He knows he will have to say goodbye, but in the meantime, he allows himself to enjoy their presence.


The first kiss they shared was easy. Despite how much he liked to argue that things in the Fade and things in the physical world were both real, he knew very well that he could not have pulled it out as easily as it came to him in the Fade.

Lavellan surprised him ever since they first met. The mark made them interesting, that was obvious but his interest in them went beyond the mark. Their interest in learning, in seeing beyond what they were taught by the Dalish was what opened him up to them. All their questions about the Fade, about spirits, about the history of his people kept him talking for nights as they traveled from Haven to Skyhold. Soon he had developed a soft spot for them; they were in his thoughts; they enjoyed their company and their sleepless nights at their side.

Soon Lavellan began flirting with him; he was not sure if they did it consciously or that's just how they were, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. Despite the fun back and forth between their carefree flirting, he was not prepared to experience what came when he first invited them to the Fade.

They were there, looking at him intently, a small smile tugging softly at their lips as he explained to them what had happened when he first met them, how he took care of them, how he prevented the mark from spreading. Then he blinked and there they were, Lavellan's lips close to his.

"May I kiss you?" they had asked. He stood there, dumbfounded and smiling with skepticism, not really believing that they had asked him that.

"Kiss me?" They nodded. He sighed and for a moment hesitated. As Lavellan began stepping away, interpreting his sigh as him not being interested, he closed the space between them.

Their first kiss was tender; he could feel the warmth of their body, the softness of their lips, the smile against his own, their hands softly holding onto him, wanting to pull him closer. They soon became self-conscious of what they had done, pulling away in a haste. But the moment that their lips departed from his, he reached for more.

It was impulsive, as he rationalized later on while he waited for them to wake up. He was not thinking straight. The moment he had woken up, he felt anxious, a gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach, a twisting and turning making its way up to his throat.

How could he let himself do that? How could he be so reckless? What was he going to tell Lavellan now? Those thoughts went through his mind as he tried to calm himself down, finding reasons why not to act on his feelings.

But then he remembered the closeness, Lavellan's lips and the warmth of their body, the smile they had given to him when their lips departed. He felt a warm, rose tint crawling up his checks. He was flustered, embarrassed that he had entertained the memory and angry at himself for enjoying the thought of them and their lips. Yet, he allowed his thoughts to linger as he waited.

The second kiss they shared was passionate. Both of them held tightly onto the other, not wanting to break away, holding each other in place. Lavellan's lips pressed hard against his, their body wanting to erase any space left between the two as they pulled him closer. Wanting, needing. Avoiding the idea of the inevitable departure from the embrace.

Everything else vanished; they were the whole universe; there was no room for anything or anybody else. No doubt, no fear. No past or future. Just them.

"Ar lath ma, vhenan."

The kisses that followed were shared between whispers, behind doors, inside tents, beneath bedsheets, on dark corners of cold and empty palaces. Their joy was theirs and only theirs, not for anybody else to see. When they departed, he entertained the memories of them: their lips—soft and harsh against his skin— and their calloused hands exploring his body; their long walks through the Fade and the conversations they shared; their eyes and smile, beaming at the sight of him.

The time they had together was but a small fraction of what he had wished to spend with them. He knew an end was coming and he knew that the closer they became, the harsher it would be. Still, he allowed himself to enjoy their presence, hopeful that perhaps one day, in another world, there would be nothing to keep him away from them.


End file.
